Raveled's First Annual Holiday Git Guide
That is not a typo. Plus 2001: A Gift Odyssey
2001: A Gift Odyssey
Imagine Bob Saget’s voice as narrator a la How I Met Your Mother:
Kids, it was 2001, and your dad and I had been dating for two years, when I made a mistake that I’ve regretted to this day…
I pride myself on being a good gift giver. I think I’m pretty skilled at burrowing into someone else’s shoes to find the best gift for them. This particular year for the holidays, I thought to myself: How does Dave like to spend his time? Lounging around on the couch. He’s low maintenance in many ways, like with his PBRs and gas station hotdogs, but beneath that parking lot tattooed exterior lies a man who appreciates the finer things in life. What’s something nice I can get him that he would enjoy while lounging on the couch? Is that a lap duvet I see in person at Restoration Hardware because online shopping doesn’t exist yet? It’s cozy, high quality, and really expensive, which shows how much I care for him. He’ll love it! I’m such a good girlfriend. I like to think the single 20-something in me also anticipated lap duvet handies during The West Wing and the original Frasier. New episodes, in real time, on cable television.
To this day I have not lived down the lap duvet, which of course is just a fancy word for a blanket. Well done, Restoration Hardware Marketing Department. Dave is in fact not a Neanderthal’s knob, but his immediate thought upon opening “his” gift was that I subconsciously got it for myself. Outwardly, he appeared gracious. He hadn’t locked this down yet (see photo below) and would say or do anything to avoid a fight. Plus he loves me and didn’t want to hurt my feelings?
He still teasingly postures to this day whenever gift giving gets introduced into the conversation. I’m the one who lives under blankets, he points out, “When have you ever seen me under a blanket in the living room?” And the thing is, he’s right. Not once has he ever cuddled under a blanket, unless you count his Dutch ovening. As I’m writing this, I’m on my couch under what RH might call an extra large lap duvet, but most recognize as a twin down comforter.
Instead of a gift guide this year, since they all seem to have a subconscious selfish bias, or an affiliate link strategy bias, I’m going fully transparent with my first annual Holiday Git Guide. This is a list of items I think you should get me, because I love them, want them, need them. Like Oprah’s favorite things, only I’ve built zero trust or influence with my audience and there’s nothing free under your chairs. Now git after it.
WANTS
You may have heard that things got a little post-apocalyptic here in Asheville. I desperately want a spa day, or at least a spa couple of hours. If money is no object, infuse cash back into our local economy with a gift card to the Grove Park Inn’s subterranean oasis. I also fangirl for Wake Foot Sanctuary located in the Grove Arcade downtown for a more realistic reprieve.
My love for Schoolhouse runs deep. I’ve been coveting this plaid wool rug for a few holiday seasons now. It would go a long way in moving the dial on my house decor makeover. A rug makes a great gift! You heard it here first, really, you probably did.
NEEDS
This falls into three of my four gift categories, but I’m putting it under needs, because every “I get cold easily” person will have to have this HEATTECH Cashmere Blend long sleeve tee from Uniqlo as a layering necessity. It is so insanely soft and warm yet light and breathable. And so affordable. Comes in styles for men, women, and children.
This is the affordable gift that anyone would/could/should use and you don’t have to worry about offending with the wrong size. How dare you think of me as standard?! I’m a king, baby! Silk pillowcases are great for your skin and hair, also a great gift for those with allergies. Or splurge on the Kardashian approved version for what’s equivalent to a higher thread count.
WEAR
Love the loungewear, love the lingerie, nothing but positive vibes from underwear brand Negative. The Sieve Cutout Bra boasts nearly equal parts supportive and sexy with the scales slightly tipped toward sexy.
A friend with excellent style saw these Walker Mid-Rise Constructed Jeans from Triarchy and thought of me. I could use some more structure in my loose-fitting, elasticized, stretchy life. Naked truth: I’m flattered that Ashley thinks my middle aged body can pull off (and on) mid-rise pants, and flattery will get you everywhere. Love you, Ash!
READ
You can’t go wrong with a holiday classic. Laugh until you cry with David Sedaris’ Holidays on Ice.
The ineffable Laura Linney raved so much about Tomorrow, Tomorrow, and Tomorrow on Smartless, that it’s now at the top of my to-read list.
EXTRA SELFISH BONUS
I do have one more thing you can git me. It’s something everyone can do, and it’s of no cost to anyone except me and my dignity. In the name of the giving holiday spirit, if you really want to help support my writing and in turn my fragile ego, please subscribe to Raveled. It’s free! Also, if you like this post and give it a heart, that would certainly warm my heart.
