A Breasted Development
Nothing makes me feel like a boob quite like my own boobs.
How old are we before we can escape the humiliation of our budding adolescence? Well I can tell you it’s not 44.
Last year, I tried to initiate The Talk 2.0 with my eight-year-old daughter. But after I explained to her what women experience every month, she burst into tears and told me she no longer wanted to be a girl. Really, can you blame her? Imagine hearing for the first time as a young girl that in just a couple of years you’re going to start bleeding from your vagina once a month for the next 40-odd years. You could make a whole season of American Horror Story focused on our bodies and how they change. A year later, my daughter has started asking all the questions about our bodies beyond “Where did I come from?” After my flop of a first attempt, I decided I couldn’t trust myself not to scar her for life and turned to the experts (aka other parents). Every mom I talked to who’s “been there, done that” recommended the same book: The Care and Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls. Each night I put Abbie to bed, we tackle a new topic. It started off relatively painless, but when we got to the “breasts” chapter, things—like my breasts—took a downturn. A two-page spread shows five stages of breast development:
Abbie pointed to Stage 3 and asked me why I’m still there. I mean she’s not wrong, but ouch. If the author wants to be really accurate she should add another stage or two illustrating all the fun droopage and shrinkage. Hell, even throw in a nipple hair or two for good measure. Next, we get to talk about bras where Abbie will undoubtedly question why mine look like the training bras in the book. I can’t wait.
My Fancy
PAINTING. I’m obsessed with David Shrigley. You might look at his seemingly simplistic work and think “I could’ve done that”… but you didn’t. This particular print hits my art-food-funny trifecta.
WARM FUZZY-ING. In the spirit of this week’s post, I give you the best dance party in nature: the dance of the blue-footed booby (because boobies).
EATING. Chef J Chong’s oils are amazing on her dumplings, but just as good on pretty much everything else. We have both in our fridge at all times.
CRANING. Are people still putting a bird on it? I’m loving this Feather Flock wallpaper design by Genevieve Gorder for an accent wall in my dining room.
STREAMING. You might need to take a break between episodes to recover from all of the cringe, but Dave and I plowed through the first season of Bupkis in one week.